Jennifer A Johnson

Waiting at the Door

I can’t explain so deep inside
The very fabric of my soul
Only a heart that grieves such loss
Can ever truly understand

It’s like you’re waiting at the door
Until a loved one comes back home
You feel a longing in your heart
When they appear the longing stops

But in a loss that never ends
You’re always standing at that door
You feel the longing in the breeze
So incomplete and never filled

I cannot find the words to say
Just what it’s like to want forever
Never seeing them again
Just always waiting at the door

Alison Mary Dunn

Phyllis Frazier Harris Yesterday evening

THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT YOU

JENNIFER, THE HOLIDAYS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WITHOUT THAT SMILING FACE OF YOUR'S. IT'S HARD TO EVEN FIX THE HOUSE BUT I DO, BECAUSE IT'S FOR YOU. JENNIFER I SENT YOUR BALLOON'S OFF TO THE HEAVEN'S ON A DAY AFTER YOUR BIRTHDAY. THE JUST KEEP FLOATING UP TILL ALL I COULD SEE WAS A DOT. I PUT FALL FLOWERS ON YOUR SITE, IT'S PRETTY. MY LOVING DAUGHTER ON THAT DATE 11/17 MY HEART WAS SO HURT TO KNOW THAT THIS WOMAN COULD HAVE BEEN SO WRONG. SHE HAS NO CLUE WHAT SHE HAS DONE TO YOUR NANA OR ME. I AM SORRY I COULD NOT CORRECT THIS. BUT I AM NOT HER JUDGE OR THOSE OTHER PEOPLE WHO SAID AND DID YOU WRONG. YOU WILL FOREVER BE MY DAUGHTER WHO I KNOW HUNG THE MOON AND THE STARS. WISH I COULD HUG YOU AND TELL YOU HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU. I SEE OTHER FAMILYS GETTING READY FOR THE HOLIDAY'S AND IT HEART BREAKING. I KNOW YOU MUST BE SO PRETTY IN YOUR ANGEL WINGS. WHAT A SITE TO BEHOLD. KNOW I LOVE YOU MY CHILD, I ALWAYS WILL. BE SWEET, SENDING HUGS AND KISSES FROM HERE TO YOU. I KNOW THE LORD WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU. LOVE YOUR MOM.

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) Yesterday afternoon

ALMOST TWO YEARS

MY LOVING DAUGHTER, TO THIS DAY ALMOST TWO YEARS LATER. I MISS YOU SO MUCH, AND LOVE YOU. I THANK YOU FOR BEING MY DAUGHTER. THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT YOU ARE IN MY MIND AND HEART. I SEE OTHER MOTHERS WITH THEIR DAUGHTER'S AND IS HURT'S SO MUCH. I KNOW YOU ARE WITH THE LORD, AND I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY. YOUR NANA HURT'S AS WELL. SHE MISS YOU TOO. WE BOTH CRY OF THE LOST, OF SUCH A LOVING YOUNG LADY. JENNIFER PLEASE STAY CLOSE AND HELPS YOUR NANA AND I TO JUST WAIT. THE DAY WILL COME. THE LORD HAS PROMISED US THIS. YOU ARE NEVER FORGOTTEN. YOUR BIRTHDAY IS COMING SOON. AND IT IS YOUR GOLDEN BIRTHDAY. THE DAY THAT YOU TURN THE AGO OF THE DAY YOU WERE BORN (30). I KNOW THAT YOU WILL HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER WITH ALL THE HEAVENS ABOVE. JENNIFER I LOVE YOU MY DAUGHTER AND LONG TO SEE YOU ONCE AGAIN. FOREVER, LOVE YOUR MOM

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) October 16, 2009

NEVER FORGOTTEN

IF ONLY ONE COULD TELL A PERSON THAT HAS LOST SOME ONE SO DEAR, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY NEED TO HEAR.
FOR MY CHILD YOU ARE SO SPECIAL, ONE YEAR SEVENTH MONTHS LATER I FIND MYSELF NOT FEELING MUCH BETTER.
THE LORD AND I HAVE COME REAL CLOSE, I KNOW THE LORD MUST TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU OH SO MUCH.
TIME PASSES AND MEMORIES GONE ON, BUT THE MOST HURTFUL FEELING IS THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE COMING HOME. I KNOW AND UNDERSTAND FOR OTHERS THAT I COULD NEVER UNDERSTANDING THEIR LOST, TILL NOW.

I KNOW YOU ARE WITH LORD, BETTER THAN HERE ON EARTH. FOR GLORY YOU SEE IS WHAT WE HERE ON EARTH MUST BELIEVE. IT IS TURE, THE LORD PUT'S GOOD PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, JUST TO KEEP REMINDING YOU THAT YOU MY JENNIFER WOULD WANT ME AS HER MOM TO KEEP GOING ON IN HER LIFE.

YOU MY CHILD, I WILL NEVER FORGET. FOR YOU ARE SO LOVED BY SO MANY AND WONDERFUL MEMORIES YOU LEFT.

I LOVE YOU JENNIFER, IT SURE IS HARD. WHEN YOU THINK LIFE IS GOOD, IT WILL THREW YOU A CURVE.

YOU MADE SO MANY PEOPLE LAUGH, LOVE, CARE, AND MOST OF ALL, THESE PEOPLE KNOW THAT YOU ARE SO SPECIAL AND SO DEAR.

WITH LOVE FROM A MOTHER'S HEART. I CAN NOT TELL ANYONE WHO HAS HAD THIS LOST. FOR THE LORD KNOWS WHAT IS IN ALL OF OUR HEARTS. REMEMBER MY CHILD, YOU ARE SO SPECIAL AND LOVED.

FROM MY HEART TO YOUR'S, KNOW THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART. I LOVE YOU JENNIFER.
YOUR MOM.

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) July 13, 2009

MOVING ON

MOVING ON SEEMS TO BE THE WRONG THING TO SAY, AS IF I WAS GOING TO FORGET THAT DAY.
THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE, FOR YOU MY DEAR CHILD, WERE AND ALWAYS WILL BE THE LOVE OF MY YEAR'S HERE ON EARTH WITH YOU AND NOW IN HEAVEN WITH THE LORD.
PEOPLE SAY MOVE ON, WHAT A STRANGE THING TO SAY TO SOME ONE THAT I HAS A BROKEN HEART. TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS THEY SAY, BUT IS THAT PART OF MOVING ON?

MOVING ON TO ME IS TO BE ABLE TO FORGIVE THE PEOPLE THAT TOOK FROM YOU AND THE WOMAN THAT TOOK YOUR LIFE AND PAID NO PUNISHMENT FOR THE CRIME SHE COMMENTED. WHAT SELFISH ACTS ON THEIR PART ONLY TO FORGIVE THEMSELFS. MOVING ON, I CAN'T, NOT NOW.
SO LITTLE RESPECT FOR THE PERSON WHO GAVE SO FREELY OF HERSELF, YOU JENNIFER, WHO ONLY WANTED TO BE LOVED AND CARED ABOUT.
I PRAY WITH THE LORD HELP IN TIME I WILL BE ABLE TO FORGIVE. BUT FOR NOW MOVING ON IS SO HARD TO DO WHEN MY LIFE HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. I WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOU IN MY HEART AND MY MIND. MOVING ON JUST DOE'S NOT SEEM RIGHT.
JENNIFER, JUST A NOTE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT IT WAS OK FROM ME TO YOU TO LOVE CLAY. I ONLY WISH YOU COULD HAVE DONE WHAT YOU WANTED AND BEEN HAPPY. I KNOW HOW MUCH HE CARED AND HIS FAMILY WHO NOW WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND. SO FROM MY HEART TO YOUR'S JENNIFER. THEIR ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVED YOU DEARLY, YOUR NANA, BOB, CLAY, SHIRLEY AND EVEN YOUR FATHER AND FAMILY. I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH AND I AM YOUR MOTHER. TRYING TO MOVE ON. BUTTERFLY KISSES TO MY DAUGHTER.

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) June 11, 2009

A SONG

PLEASE LISTEN TO A SONG BY ALLEN JACKSON, CALLED "SISSY'S SONG. THIS SONG IS FOR MY LOVING DAUGHTER. I LOVE YOU JENNIFER AND I MISS YOU. FOREVER YOUR MOM

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) June 6, 2009

ANGELS

MY DEAR DAUGHTER. TODAY I GOT A MESSAGE THAT SOMEONE WAS GOING TO TELL ME SOMETHING I NEEDED TO HEAR. I WAS IN A CHRISTAIN BOOK STORE, AND THE LADY IN FRONT OF ME PAID FOR HER THINGS. IT WAS MY TIME TO PAY. THIS WOMAN TO WHOM I DO NOT KNOW, TURNED AROUND AT THE DOOR AND CAME TO ME TO SAY THAT THE ANGEL'S WANTED TO HER TO TELL ME THAT (YOU MISS ME). I TOLD HER I MISSED YOU TOO. I DID NOT KNOW THIS WOMAN. I PAID AND I CRIED WALKING OUT THE DOOR. I HAD FINALLY HEARD WHAT I WAS TO HEAR TODAY FROM THE MESSAGE I RECEIVED. I LOVE YOU JENNIFER, I MISS YOU SO MUCH. MY LIFE IS NOT THE SAME WITH OUT YOU. I KNOW YOU ARE HAPPY NOW, AND AT PEACE WITH THE LORD. THIS SUNDAY IS TO BE SPECIAL DAY FOR YOUR MOM. I KNOW THAT THE LORD AND YOU ALREADY KNOW. MY ANGEL, MY LOVE OF MY LIFE, YOU JENNIFER. FOREVER YOUR MOM.

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) June 3, 2009

THE DAY HAS COME

TO MY DEAR DAUGHTER, WHO I MISS SO DEAR.
THE DAY HAS COME THAT WILL END ALL THIS YEAR.
WAITING TO FIND OUT WHAT I ALREADY KNEW.
THE FACT IS THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE COMING HOME FOR GOOD.
I HAVE TRIED TO MOVE FORWARD, ONLY TO BE KNOCKED BACK. JENNIFER I WISH I HAD YOUR STRENGTH, TO ONLY FIGHT BACK. I LOVE YOU MY CHILD, MY HEART IS BROKEN LIKE SO MANY OTHERS THAT HAVE TO LIVE THIS LIFE WITH THEIR ONLY CHILD, AND VERY LONELY. IT'S HARD TO LIVE ON WHEN LIFE THAT IS SO DEAR HAS BEEN TAKEN BY SOMEONE ELSE THAT DOES NOT EVEN CARE. I AM SORRY, THAT I COULD NOT FIX ANY OF WHAT HAPPEN.
IT ONLY GOES TO SHOW, WHEN YOU KNOW SOMEBODY. HOW THE RULE'S OF LIFE CHANGE TO BE IN THEIR FAVIOR.
THERE IS A LORD , AND A GOD ABOVE THAT IS HOLDING MY CHILD FROM NOW TILL FOREVER MORE. BE GOOD TO YOUR SELF. FOR I ADORED THE GROUND YOU WALKED ON.
MY MINDS WONDERS, AN ASK IF YOU KNOW HOW YOUR MOTHERS FEEL'S, YOU SAID TO ME ONE DAY, MOM, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WHEN YOU ARE NOT HERE? I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THAT ONLY I AM LIVING IT TODAY. MY LOVE GOES ON AND ON FOR YOU JENNIFER. YOU ARE ALL I ASK FOR A LONG, LONG TIME AGO. PLEASE LORD GIVE ME A CHILD THAT I CAN LOVE A PROTECT TILL THE DAY YOU SAY I HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE.
LORD PLEASE TELL JENNIFER I LOVE HER, AND I WAS SO PROUD TO HAVE YOU AS MY DAUGHTER. I GIVE MY THANKS TO YOU MY LORD. GOD BLESS ALL THAT HAS HAD TO LIVE THIS TERRIBLE LIFE OF HURT. BLESSED BE THE NAME, FOR MY HEART GOES OUT. I LOVE YOU JENNIFER AND WILL SEE YOU.
FOREVER AND EVER, LOVE YOUR MOM

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) May 15, 2009

FIRST TRUE LOVE

I DO BELIEVE THE FIRST TRUE LOVE, IS HOLDING YOUR FIRST BABY BORN. WHAT A WONDER GIFT THAT GOD GAVE US FROM ABOVE.
THE BLESSING THAT COME FROM THE FIRST LOOK, THE FIRST SMILE THE FIRST TEAR. IT IS A GIFT GIVEN THAT IS SO DEAR.
WHEN THAT CHILD GROWS AND HOLDS ON TO THAT LOVE, THE TRUST, THAT NO MATTERS WHAT HAPPENS, YOUR CHILD KNOWS YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO KISS AWAY THE TEAR AND ALL THE HURTS.
SO HOLD ON TO THE WONDERFUL GIFT OF LOVE, THAT COUNTS ON YOU TO MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT.
TO MY ONLY CHILD, WHO I COUND NOT KISS AWAY THE HURT,OR MAKE RIGHT. IT WAS BIGGER THAN ME AND BIGGER THAN LIFE. THE LORD KNEW HER PAIN AND TEARS. SO HE TOOK MY FIRST LOVE HOME TO LIVE WITH HIM FOR EVER WITH NO MORE FEARS. I MISS,I CRY AND HURT.
AND THEN AGAIN I KNOW THAT SHE IS IN A BETTER PLACE AND NO LONG HURTS. WITH MUCH LOVE AND NEVER TO FORGET. MY ONLY FIRST LOVE. MY ONLY CHILD. I WILL NEVER FORGET.
WRITTEN FOR MY ONLY DAUGHTER WHO I LOVE AND MISS, JENNIFER ANNETTE JOHNSON, WHO I AM BLOWING YOU KISSES FROM HERE TO YOUR HEART. I LOVE YOU, YOUR MOM. SHIRLEE JOHNSON

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) May 11, 2009

PEACE

WHO IS TO SAID THAT GRIEF WILL TURN INTO PEACE ONCE AGAIN. YOUR HEART LONGS FOR THE LIFE YOU MISS, SO TO ASK THAT PEACE COME BACK INTO YOUR LIFE AND MAKE YOU FEEL WHOLE ONCE AGAIN.
PEACE HAS NO TIME FRAME NOR DOES GRIEF, YOU JUST PRAY THAT WON'T TAKE AS LONG AS IT FEELS AND IT TAKE'S.
WE ALL LOOK BACK AS IF THERE IS NO WAY OUT OF THE PAIN, WE JUST PRAY AND LIVE LIFE FOR EACH DAY ONCE AGAIN.
I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY MY HEART DOES NOT HURT AS MUCH, AND WANT ONLY PEACE WITH THE MEMORIES I HAVE AND THAT PEACE WILL HELP THE HURT. GOD BLESS YOU ALL THAT HAVE THIS PAIN, FOR I PRAY THAT PEACE WILL TOUCH YOUR LIFE ONCE AGAIN.
FOR A MOTHER WHO WISH ON MOTHERS DAY THAT SEE COULD HOLD YOUR CHILD ONCE AGAIN AND FEEL THAT PEACE.
WRITTEN FOR JENNIFER ANNETTE JOHNSON MY ONLY CHILD. I LOVE YOU FOR FOREVER AND WILL WAIT FOR THAT PEACE TO COME ONCE AGAIN. LOVE YOU, YOUR MOM

Shirlee Johnson (Mom) May 11, 2009